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Thirty-Something & Single


Define Single When you become a certain age, you receive several reactions when it is heard that you are "still" single. Reactions range from, "you are single because you cannot keep a man" to "you are single because you cannot get a man". It is even said that a woman is single because she is "bitter from her previous relationship". All of these statements are so funny to me because they cannot be anything further from the truth in most situations. Family, friends, television, social media; all of these outlets have an opinion on your singleness, and why you need a man in your life. My question, or shall I say response is, what is your actual definition of being single? Does what make me single (oh, and bitter) change if I believe that it is an option and not a curse?

Merriam-Webster defines single as one who is "unmarried or not involved in a stable, sexual relationship". However, the government defines single as "unwed". It is important that people are educated on the meaning of words before they begin attacking people. Oddly enough, single people are often the attackers of the other single people. Being in a relationship does not classify one as not being single. You can have a boyfriend or fiance' and still be single. When filing for taxes, there is a space that can be checked to determine the type of relationship that you are in. Those boxes are single, married, or divorced. You can only check the married box if you are married according to the state's standards. Although certain social media websites allow one to have several "relationship statuses", the government (and God) only recognize three.

The reality is that if you are not legally married, you are single. Living with someone, calling someone "mother n law" or "sister n law" does not place a check in the married box. Marriage is more complicated than the ability to have pleasurable sex and getting along with the parents. As a side note; having a sexual relationship is not complicated, and women that try to use this as a tool for marriage usually lose to the woman that gave a challenge, or they receive a marriage that does not have more substance to it other than sex.

This is not meant to be a disrespect to anyone's relationship, but simply a clarification of what the term "single" actually means. There is a distinctive difference in someone being "single and ready to mingle" and being single and building towards a meaningful relationship. The goal in one is have fun and enjoy life, the other is to see a result of marriage. Essentially, both sets of people are still single until they say vows and are pronounced as married.

Enjoy the journey in single life. As I always say, it is better to be married once for the rest of your life vs. spending the rest of your life continually marrying "the one".


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